Sometimes we have disagreements with people in our life. Sorting out disagreements can be tough, and something we may avoid altogether.
We may keep these disagreements to ourselves, or we may actively and openly disagree.
They may result from things we worry about, and may be linked to other people, our work or study, money, or the choices we make.
They may be short, recent issues or things that have been going on for a while.
This section of the guide aims to help you sort out these disagreements – by considering our intentions, and by aiming to do what is really right.
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You may also find the pages on Next Steps useful
- Do to others what you want them to do to you
- Show mercy – be merciful, and seek peace
- Be kind towards each other
- Try your best in what you think and what you do, both for yourself and towards others
- Do good and be kind. Have mercy
Sorting out Disagreements with Other People
- Try not to criticise faults in others. First see if there are bigger wrongs in your own life and try to work on this
- Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye (I.e. you find fault in others) but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? (I.e. you also have your own faults) First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye
- Stop judging by the way things look and how things appear, but judge by what is really right
- Forgive, and you will be forgiven
- No school child can get through all lessons perfectly. It is the same with all lives, so act with compassion and consider intentions, and try to help others constructively when they struggle
- If a friend is doing wrong, warn them, and if they are sorry and stop doing wrong, forgive them. If they do wrong against you seven times in one day and say that they are sorry each time, forgive them
- When you forgive others for doing wrong, your God will also forgive you when you do wrong. But if you don’t forgive others, your God will not forgive you
Sorting out Disagreements about Possessions
- Don’t fight a person who is doing wrong. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek as well
- If someone is taking you to court because you have done wrong, try hard to settle it on the way
- Go and make peace – be reconciled
- If someone wants to sue you in court, give them even more
- Give to everyone who asks you, and when someone takes something that is yours, don’t ask for it back
- Those who try to hold on to their lives, such as fighting over money, possessions and status, are giving up the Light in their life that continues on
- All who make themselves great will be made humble, but all who make themselves humble will be made great in their life that continues on
Intentions and Actions
- Of course we love our families and friends and we will try to patch up disagreements with them. But we should also act well towards those we don’t get on with – this is not about the feeling of love like a welling up of emotion, but the act of love with good intentions
- If you are only nice to your friends, what more are you doing than other people?
- Do good to those who hate you and who have done you wrong. Hope well for those who speak bad of you, and who are cruel to you and use you
- Do to others what you would want them to do to you. If you are kind towards only the people who are kind to you, what praise should you get? Anyone would do that
- It doesn’t show strength to be enraged. Rather, show gentleness and civility. Don’t give way to anger and discontent, but have strength, courage, and endurance – unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a person comes to a calm mind, the closer they are to strength
- If you say bad things to a friend, you are in danger of being judged in your life that continues on
- Don’t judge other people, or you will be judged in your life that continues on. There you will be judged in the same way that you judge others, but the amount you give to others will be given to you in your life that continues on
- Try to see other people as also belonging to your God, rather than to be used or judged
Mindset and Wider World
- Try to meet others peacefully, joyously
- Try to act against ignorance and prejudice, injustice and unfairness
- Seek to comfort, understand, give and forgive
- Be careful not to let the light in you become darkness
- Reframe the goal – listen so you have understanding, and speak so you are understood.