You may want to build a plan; or consider how you react to things that happen to you; or get more practical ideas for your life. This section looks at the next steps you can take.
Building a Plan
Creating a plan may help you feel more in control, but so you don’t try to take on too much at once it may help you to prioritise:
- Ensure your basic needs are met first – these are physiological (for example, food and water, shelter, and rest) and safety (personal security, employment / resources, and health).
- Then consider your psychological needs of love and belonging (which may take the form of friendship, family, or another sense of connection) and your esteem (feelings of accomplishment, or respect).
- You can then focus on other self-fulfilment needs, known as self-actualization, which may be more creative activities, and are linked with a desire to grow and develop.
You will need to address your priorities daily, so it is important to balance the pressures of achieving your physiological and safety needs with time for your psychological and esteem needs.
Making steps to deal with negative thoughts and situations requires a conscious effort, which can understandably be hard to muster, so it’s important to recognise the difficult reality of the situation, while using healthy mechanisms to cope with it. There are some suggestions below to help you.
While, these steps can help, if you are struggling with your mental health, remember that professional help is also available.
And our lives often flow in phases. We may get new opportunities or new challenges to face. You may need to keep revising your plan, depending on where you are in your life.
Using the DPAS steps
It may be that you want to actively change something in your life. Perhaps it’s your health, or your job, or your relationships. An effective way of putting change into action is to follow these steps:
- Decision – what change do you want to make? Why, what’s driving you to want that change?
- Plan – what steps do you need to take to make that change happen? (Start small! Don’t risk demotivating yourself by biting off more than you can chew!)
- Action – actually put the plan into action. Enough planning! For the change to happen you have to do something!
- Stick with it – sticking with change can be tough for many reasons and realistically we are bothered if we receive criticism or are discouraged by others. Sometimes, we then stop aiming for change. So you need to make sure your ‘Plan’ stage has prepared you for the negative as well as the positive. Here are three steps to help you prepare to stick with it:
- Defend – this doesn’t mean being passive by getting defensive, it means to actively defend. Remind yourself why you want to put this change into action and how you plan to do it
- Avoid – Some days we have down-days where we are a bit weaker to criticism and discouragement. Identify where this may come from, and take the option to avoid the source of this if you’re not up to powering through or defending
- Power through! – Be confident in your change and feel positive about where it will get you; you don’t always have to explain yourself to everyone about everything!
And let’s be realistic. Sometimes we stop and restart our plans, or they need a little tweaking. That’s fine! That’s life! It’s better than giving up!
Acceptance
Things happen to us. Plans don’t always go, well, to plan! Developing acceptance of this can help in daily life, and when dealing with worries or sorting out disagreements.
Personal acceptance:
You have your good points and your bad points. There is no reason why you would get everything just right, despite your best intentions. But, you are no more or less important than anyone else
Acceptance of other people:
Other people may treat you unfairly sometimes. There is no reason why they must treat you fairly all the time, because everyone else also has bad points, bad times, and different priorities and perspectives. But, the person who treated you unfairly is no more or less important than anyone else.
Acceptance of life:
Life doesn’t always turn out the way you’d like it to, or as you thought it would. There is no reason why life must go exactly as you’d like, or as you thought it would. Life is not always pleasant (and sometimes it is awful!) but there are things that can help you bear it.
Does this story sound familiar to you?
A group of people wanted to live a healthier lifestyle, so they set up an exercise group. Some people didn’t even show up on the first day. Other people didn’t follow sensible guidance and instead pushed themselves so hard on the first day, their muscles ached for days afterwards and they were put off exercising and never came to the group again. Some people came for the first few days – they loved the feel of the endorphins and starting up something new. But after a week or so it became tougher to keep up the new routine, and they dropped off from the group too. Other people kept going to the exercise group for longer, but they started to let other desires in life encroach on their exercise time – a new series on the TV distracted them, or the call of junk food diverted them – and they soon gave up too. But some people stuck with it. They accepted the plan, they were patient, determined and disciplined. These people grew healthier and stronger. Some of them became twice as healthy as when they started, some three times, and some 10 times as healthy.
Responding with indifference to the value of your life won’t get you anywhere. Distractions come from the world. Sticking with healthy living in this story represents purpose in your life that comes from the grace and kindness that you can show.
Purpose
Finding purpose in our lives can help us feel valued internally. When we have a passion or enjoyment in doing something beneficial. Here’s a few ideas of how you can find joy for your life, with a selfless twist thrown in!
Pursue a hobby or learn a new skill
It’s important to focus on enjoyable things that you can do, rather than what you cannot do. So why not think about hobbies that are actually achievable right now? But don’t load unnecessary pressure on yourself.
How about volunteering for an organisation or cause that interests you, such as animal charities or organisations offering support?
Or perhaps further your knowledge in things that interest you in the world around you, like conservation or history?
It is said to take 20 hours to learn a new skill, so that could be just an hour each day for less than a month. So what would you like to do?
Listen to music
Music can help improve your mood and overall mental well-being, depending on what you listen to, of course!
Be thankful
You can incorporate gratitude in your life by listing things you are thankful for each day. You could just spend time thinking of this in the day, or you could keep a journal.
Spend a few moments to really listen and to look at the things around you.
Limit your time following the news
If you are anxious about the state of the world and are overwhelmed by the news, resist the temptation to continually scroll and check your newsfeed.
Exercise, or dance
Studies have shown that exercise can help boost your mood by producing the endorphin hormones. Exercise can take many forms, whether it is a workout, dancing, Pilates, or something else that takes your fancy.
And consider your health – not just what you eat (or what you don’t eat) but also about fitness, which brings strength, control and freedom of body movement. This relates to being active at any level, and in any form.
See more ideas in the links below!
Pray
Spend time quietly listening for God.
Reflect on your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes and consider your true motivations for these. Rather than settling on negative thoughts, search for hopeful positivity and thanks, even for the small things. Replace a perspective with a bigger picture of life. Decide that you will cope with things when they’re difficult.
Be kind
The added benefit of helping others is that it is good for our own mental health and wellbeing. It is said to reduce stress and improve your emotional wellbeing.
A small act can go a long way – whether it’s dropping a note to your neighbour, ordering from a local business, or checking in with a friend.
You can use your life to demonstrate to others that there are kind people in the world (see the ideas for hobbies, above!).
If you are able, you could also consider giving to a charity – many rely on donations, however small. Charities cover a wide array of areas such as health, wellbeing, animals, the environment and justice.
See more ideas in the links below!
Smile
Research has shown that the mere act of smiling may have an effect on our mood. Expressing a so-called “Duchenne smile” is associated with a “true smile”. It activates the entire face (muscles in the cheeks and around the eyes), causing an increased sense of positive mood and happiness. Unsurprisingly, a “fake smile” (activation of the cheek-muscle only) does not have the same positive effect.
Think of the bigger picture
It’s important to have both short-term and longer term objectives to work towards. Identify one or two positive short-term goals you want to achieve. This may be scheduling a video catch-up with your friends over the weekend, or planning a long walk one evening.
You can also make more longer term plans and goals. Like a career or health objective. These longer term goals are something that you work towards over time, and can be broken down into attainable steps along the way (see DPAS, above!)
More steps you can take
Ideas of things to do – other suggestions for distractions, hobbies and exercise
Ideas for being kind – more suggestions for ways to show kindness, and distractions
Team Body Project – movement and fitness videos you can do from home, at any level
Health help – guidance on how to help with your health, as well as more ideas for getting active
